fear or inner wisdom

I’ve had flashes of inner wisdom during intense moments of my life. Inner guidance that came through like a lightning bolt during minutes of intense fear or risk. I always felt “lucky” at those times, like God was with me. It only happened on a few occasions in my entire life, so I just felt blessed that in “life or death” moments, Grace came in.

Then about two years ago, my spiritual journey took a catapult. I started to learn about the Law of Attraction and the tool that helped this all click for me…the Emotional Guidance System, from Abraham Hicks. My life started to change…dramatically.

My husband Paul, my greatest spiritual teacher, showed me how Source was always present and guiding me to the next right step for me, and, as Abraham teaches, my Emotional Guidance System was the navigation system for me to discern the Inner Wisdom that was available to me at every moment of my day.

The Emotional Guidance System by Abraham Hicks teaches a scale of 22 Emotions, ranging from positive emotions, such as Gratitude, Appreciation, Passion, Joy, Love and Optimism to negative emotions such as boredom, pessimism, resentment, anger and despair.

The positive emotions are gathered on the left side of the Emotional Guidance System chart. And the negative emotions are gathered on the right side of the Emotional Guidance System chart.


I started checking IN with myself more and testing this tool. I began asking myself, “How do I feel right now?” and really honing in my emotional acuity for myself.

Here is the distinction that I discovered that changed my life forever…

When I check in and see how I’m feeling, and my emotion is on the right side (negative) of the Emotional Guidance System chart, then whatever ideas, thoughts or inclinations I have to act, are NOT coming from Source. Those thoughts and ideas are not my Inner Wisdom, instead they are coming from my brain and are driven by my own fear and ego (to protect me from some pain). I have learned not to listen to my own “self-talk” when I am on the right side of the Emotional Guidance System. That is NOT Inner Wisdom; on the contrary, it is scared, fear-based, self-talk.

When I check in with myself and I’m feeling one of the emotions on the left side of the Emotional Guidance System chart, then I have faith that my ideas, thoughts, inclinations and beliefs are guided by Source. Said differently, I’m receiving Inner Wisdom. In those moments, I have faith in my thoughts, beliefs and downloads and act accordingly….in spite of any fear!

With practice, using this as my MAP, over and over again, I started to find “certainty” in listening to my Inner Wisdom.

Today, this is how I walk through life: listening to my Inner Wisdom and understanding the difference between Inner Wisdom and fear based self-talk.

Many people focus on wanting “certainty,” certainty to know what is the best thing for them to do, what the future will hold, which way to choose. It’s human nature. Except that we can’t control anyone other than ourselves and we can’t predict the future.

But you don’t need to GUESS at what to do next or fear what’s coming your way either!

By following my strategic approach to Inner Wisdom, I have released my need to find certainty through “control” and found my way of being “certain” within. I know that I am guided at every moment, and I choose my next step based on the guidance I receive.  As for the future, I also have faith that I will be guided again by my Inner Wisdom when I get there.

One of my favorite quotes of all time, (it’s painted on my wall next to me) is by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr…

“Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

It is FAITH. And by using my Emotional Guidance System, I have learned my strategic approach to figuring out what the FIRST STEP on the staircase should be for me every time!

Source put my staircase there. And my Emotional Guidance System tells me when my next step is ON or OFF of MY staircase!

When you think about your relationship or how you feel about your partner, you must also use your Emotional Guidance System. When you are feeling negative (emotions on the right side of the chart) the thoughts, inclinations and self-talk you hear in your head is NOT your Inner Wisdom.

When you are feeling grateful, appreciative, hopeful, optimistic or any of the feelings on the left side of the Emotional Guidance System chart, your thoughts, inclinations and next steps are guided by your Inner Wisdom!

That’s why I ALWAYS coach clients to get onto the left side of emotions and then… THEN make your decisions. And then take action. And then work on your relationship and then engage with your partner!

Don’t engage with your partner, blame them or try to “fix” your relationship when you are firmly planted on the right side of the Emotional Guidance System chart! No good can come from that. That’s why couple’s work doesn’t work! Because when TWO people get together and they are BOTH on the right side of the emotional chart, it’s only going to make the relationship worse.

Blaming your partner, or thinking you will just leave and find a different relationship that will be better, is not the answer. You must do the work. A great first step is to listen to our audio program, How to Transform Your Relationship in Eight Steps. It will help you get onto the left side of the Emotional Guidance System chart and empower you with the tools to keep yourself (and your partner) there more often!

No one can tell you long term what the answer will be. There is no crystal ball and no one can predict the future. However, moment to moment you can access your Inner Wisdom and be guided to the best outcome for you and your family.

All the guidance, answers, certainty you want in life, is flowing to you. Ironically, if you want to access it, you need to release your current patterns of control and strategically cultivate your ability to access and utilize your Inner Wisdom.

{ 4 Brilliant Comments from Dedicated Reader }

Holy S%&T…Now What?!

March 26, 2015

Panic GirlIt’s February 4th at 12:58 pm.

For days, I’ve been doing back to back live calls for audiences around the world teaching how to Reignite Your Passion! I go live again in just two minutes!

My dear friend and coach Jon Vroman of Front Row Global is live on the line, with tons of his amazing peeps ready to hear us rock this LIVE call giving the tools and strategies they want to transform their relationship!

I’m alone in the office here and yet the energy is through the roof!! I’m so happy, so exicited…I love what I do! Can’t wait to rock this call!

We are on mute until exactly 1 pm when the call kicks off….90 seconds to go!

I reach for my one liter bottle of Essentia 9.5 Water and holy F*%K-balls…. I knock the bottle of water over…flooding my LAPTOP and my brand new iPhone 6!!!!

The entire conference call is running off of my laptop using our technology and dashboard….me, Jon, and all our peeps are live…connected by MY laptop! 90 seconds until we go live!

What do YOU do?

So, let me ask you…What the F*%K would you do?

Can you feel your stress rising? Would you freak the F*%K out?

It would be understandable!

Wanna know what I did?

90 seconds to Live on Air….

I grabbed the iPhone and dried it off with my shirt, started speed dialing my online conference call dial information from my iPhone in case my laptop dies and I need to keep the conference call running from my phone. Leave the phone, with headphones plugged in, running on Paul’s (very dry) desk.

70 seconds to Live on Air….

Now for the laptop….I can’t pick it up! It’s docked and the dock is practically tied down to the desk. I can’t risk taking it out of the dock with the live call running. I can only lift it up just an inch or two.

I look around, all I have is my fuzzy wubby….that’s my snuggly fleece wrap that I wrap myself in when it’s chilly in my office. I grab my “wubby” and throw it down on the desk to absorb as much water as I can…shoving it under the laptop to try to get the laptop out of the water.

20 seconds to Live on Air….

I go to the middle of my office, make my power move, and do the same incantation I have done thousands of times to put myself in a peak state before every coaching call, live speaking gig or event that I’ve ever done, for twenty years.

I am in a peak state and unstoppable!!

And we are LIVE!

I hit record on my dashboard, check that the iPhone still has everything running, just in case. And then I hear Jon Vroman’s awesome and powerful voice say…”Welcome everybody, it’s Jon Vroman here ….”

I listen to Jon’s kick-ass introduction, huge smile on my face; we are serving so many people! Here we go! And we are ROCKIN’ this call!!!!!


Ninety minutes of amazing content and life transforming breakthroughs, empowering people to change their lives! Oh Yeah! This is what we do!!!

We wrap the call, and Jon texts me to say that was so freakin’ awesome! And I text him this picture…..”you would not even believe what happened 90 seconds before we went live on that call Jon….”


“Holy S&%T Stay…you’d never know it! You rocked that call! Nice State Mastery rock star!” Jon texts me back.

Whether it’s managing a “disaster” seconds before going live on the air, managing your response to your child who is having a meltdown in aisle 7 or leading your team in the face of the S*&T hitting the fan….your state mastery is one of your most precious assets!

And if you do not have state mastery….start cultivating it NOW!

This year I am celebrating my 20th year with Tony Robbins! Tony taught me everything I know about State Mastery and trained me to have the kind of state mastery to deliver like a Rock Star for those amazing people on the live call, regardless of the meltdown that was happening over here in my office!

From mastering your emotions and reactions by seeing the world differently, to re-writing the software that runs your show, to using incantations and physical movement to trigger yourself into a pre-anchored peak state to use in any situation….the tools for state mastery are endless, and you can always be taking your state mastery to the next level!

In your relationship, your state IS your relationship! When you are in a crap state, it’s not a big shocker that your interactions with your partner are not rainbows and unicorns!

And when you let your partner’s crap state trigger YOU into the toilet with them, you are done for. Ain’t no good gonna come from that (technically speaking)!

You must cultivate your ability to see your partner from a different perspective and utilize the tools and strategies that really work to interact with them and maintain your great state…regardless of the s&%t going on around you!

That’s when you will truly have the power to create your unshakable love and unleashed passion!

Sending love,


p.s. In every step of our 8 Step Relationship Transformation System® Paul and I teach State Mastery tools to use in your relationship and your life! When you are ready to master your state, and create the relationship you really want, check out our Quick Start Program or Live Events!

p.p.s. And always be LEARNING from your mistakes….I now have a roll of paper towels stashed in my office closet….just in case! And my water sits on the desk BEHIND me, not on the desk near my laptop! Always learning and adjusting!

{ 5 Brilliant Comments from Dedicated Reader }

50 Shades of Submission!

March 12, 2015

Last week I wrote my commentary about 50 Shades of Grey, abuse and erotica. Today I’m focusing on two of the most common challenges that people are struggling with in their own relationships, masculine/feminine energy and surrender vs submission! The movie 50 Shades of Grey gives us many great examples of masculine and feminine energy,…

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50 Shades of…whaaaaattt?!?!

March 5, 2015

We went to see 50 Shades of Grey. I really wish this movie was about sex….but it’s not. Bummer! There are many commentaries out describing 50 Shades as a movie about abuse…but it’s not (at least not the kind of abuse everyone is referring to). First let’s get it straight about abuse. This movie IS…

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The ZERO Compromise Solution to Relationship Challenges!

February 26, 2015

The way to transform your relationship is NOT to become something that you are not in order to try to make your relationship “successful”! The process of Relationship Transformation is actually the process of removing all the bandages, contortions, and “being something we are not” to try to be what we think other people want…

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When is it just time to leave?

February 19, 2015

I just completed a crazy whirlwind speaking schedule for Valentine’s Day! 14 speaking gigs in 6 days, 3 radio shows, 2 Spreecasts and a partridge in a pear tree (hehe)! Do you know that nearly every single interviewer asked me the same question “Stacey, when is it just time to leave? Sometimes is it just…

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Not having much hot sex lately, huh?

February 5, 2015

I hear it’s going around! Really good people, with good intentions, are hanging out together in a NICE relationship….great parents, good roommates even….but the hot steamy ravishing and satisfying sex is not happening anymore. Maybe you tell yourself “I don’t need that,” “that’s not really important,” or “I can live without it”….and you stay in…

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Are you the “salad” or the “garbage”?

January 29, 2015

People come to me to help them with their relationships in all kinds of situations. Some of the most common are… Passion-less: In a caring or loving relationship, but the passion has fizzled or disappeared Loving & Passionate, and wanna take it to the next level Hanging by a Thread: where one or both partners…

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I was paralyzed with fear…

January 22, 2015

I was paralyzed with fear…. About 4 seconds after I heard the sound I was out of bed, and standing at the top of the stairs. It was the middle of the night. Paul was away. I was in the house with both kids sleeping in their beds. I heard a sound….like a door slamming.…

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WHERE is your breakthrough?

January 15, 2015

What do you need to have a breakthrough? What does it take to break through whatever your current limitations are and reach the next level you truly desire? You MUST be willing to leave your current comfort zone for your next level…that’s for sure! To do that will require you to stretch and grow! Sometimes…

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