Holy S%&T…Now What?!

March 26, 2015

Panic GirlIt’s February 4th at 12:58 pm.

For days, I’ve been doing back to back live calls for audiences around the world teaching how to Reignite Your Passion! I go live again in just two minutes!

My dear friend and coach Jon Vroman of Front Row Global is live on the line, with tons of his amazing peeps ready to hear us rock this LIVE call giving the tools and strategies they want to transform their relationship!

I’m alone in the office here and yet the energy is through the roof!! I’m so happy, so exicited…I love what I do! Can’t wait to rock this call!

We are on mute until exactly 1 pm when the call kicks off….90 seconds to go!

I reach for my one liter bottle of Essentia 9.5 Water and holy F*%K-balls…. I knock the bottle of water over…flooding my LAPTOP and my brand new iPhone 6!!!!

The entire conference call is running off of my laptop using our technology and dashboard….me, Jon, and all our peeps are live…connected by MY laptop! 90 seconds until we go live!

What do YOU do?

So, let me ask you…What the F*%K would you do?

Can you feel your stress rising? Would you freak the F*%K out?

It would be understandable!

Wanna know what I did?

90 seconds to Live on Air….

I grabbed the iPhone and dried it off with my shirt, started speed dialing my online conference call dial information from my iPhone in case my laptop dies and I need to keep the conference call running from my phone. Leave the phone, with headphones plugged in, running on Paul’s (very dry) desk.

70 seconds to Live on Air….

Now for the laptop….I can’t pick it up! It’s docked and the dock is practically tied down to the desk. I can’t risk taking it out of the dock with the live call running. I can only lift it up just an inch or two.

I look around, all I have is my fuzzy wubby….that’s my snuggly fleece wrap that I wrap myself in when it’s chilly in my office. I grab my “wubby” and throw it down on the desk to absorb as much water as I can…shoving it under the laptop to try to get the laptop out of the water.

20 seconds to Live on Air….

I go to the middle of my office, make my power move, and do the same incantation I have done thousands of times to put myself in a peak state before every coaching call, live speaking gig or event that I’ve ever done, for twenty years.

I am in a peak state and unstoppable!!

And we are LIVE!

I hit record on my dashboard, check that the iPhone still has everything running, just in case. And then I hear Jon Vroman’s awesome and powerful voice say…”Welcome everybody, it’s Jon Vroman here ….”

I listen to Jon’s kick-ass introduction, huge smile on my face; we are serving so many people! Here we go! And we are ROCKIN’ this call!!!!!


Ninety minutes of amazing content and life transforming breakthroughs, empowering people to change their lives! Oh Yeah! This is what we do!!!

We wrap the call, and Jon texts me to say that was so freakin’ awesome! And I text him this picture…..”you would not even believe what happened 90 seconds before we went live on that call Jon….”


“Holy S&%T Stay…you’d never know it! You rocked that call! Nice State Mastery rock star!” Jon texts me back.

Whether it’s managing a “disaster” seconds before going live on the air, managing your response to your child who is having a meltdown in aisle 7 or leading your team in the face of the S*&T hitting the fan….your state mastery is one of your most precious assets!

And if you do not have state mastery….start cultivating it NOW!

This year I am celebrating my 20th year with Tony Robbins! Tony taught me everything I know about State Mastery and trained me to have the kind of state mastery to deliver like a Rock Star for those amazing people on the live call, regardless of the meltdown that was happening over here in my office!

From mastering your emotions and reactions by seeing the world differently, to re-writing the software that runs your show, to using incantations and physical movement to trigger yourself into a pre-anchored peak state to use in any situation….the tools for state mastery are endless, and you can always be taking your state mastery to the next level!

In your relationship, your state IS your relationship! When you are in a crap state, it’s not a big shocker that your interactions with your partner are not rainbows and unicorns!

And when you let your partner’s crap state trigger YOU into the toilet with them, you are done for. Ain’t no good gonna come from that (technically speaking)!

You must cultivate your ability to see your partner from a different perspective and utilize the tools and strategies that really work to interact with them and maintain your great state…regardless of the s&%t going on around you!

That’s when you will truly have the power to create your unshakable love and unleashed passion!

Sending love,


p.s. In every step of our 8 Step Relationship Transformation System® Paul and I teach State Mastery tools to use in your relationship and your life! When you are ready to master your state, and create the relationship you really want, check out our Quick Start Program or Live Events!

p.p.s. And always be LEARNING from your mistakes….I now have a roll of paper towels stashed in my office closet….just in case! And my water sits on the desk BEHIND me, not on the desk near my laptop! Always learning and adjusting!

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50 Shades of Submission!

March 12, 2015


Last week I wrote my commentary about 50 Shades of Grey, abuse and erotica.

Today I’m focusing on two of the most common challenges that people are struggling with in their own relationships, masculine/feminine energy and surrender vs submission!

The movie 50 Shades of Grey gives us many great examples of masculine and feminine energy, how they trigger each other and how they can flip flop (the man in the feminine and the woman in her masculine).

It’s VERY clear to me why, in many ways, 50 Shades was such a huge disappointment for women everywhere who flocked to the movies hoping to experience a nice (wet) surge of oxytocin from the experience of watching a masculine man, in complete control of himself, who would just take his woman, so she could surrender, as he pleasures her over and over again. (ahhhhh!)

Instead, disappointed women watched a “weak,” kind of feminine (too pretty), man disconnected from his masculine and lacking presence, integrity, honor, and strength.

All feminine women want a mature masculine man who knows who he is, knows what he wants, and is driven by honor and integrity to serve, protect, and provide for his woman.

I actually laughed out loud (sorry people in my theatre) when the woman asked him, “and what do I get out of this arrangement?” and he said…. “ME!”


That’s an immature masculine moment alright…it’s all about him and he doesn’t give a crap about her.

The immature masculine captivates women with some of the same amazing qualities of the mature masculine by being decisive, rooted, confident, strong, driven, knows what he wants and nothing and nobody is going to get in his way…but in the immature masculine, he is driven by his own ego, to satisfy himself, in SPITE of what happens to others.

A mature masculine man lives to serve, provide, and protect his woman! 100% giving to HER! Make her dreams come true, clear a path for her, satisfy her every need, want, and desire! And the mature masculine is driven by honor and integrity. None of that was demonstrated in 50 Shades of Grey.

In this film, the male character vacillates between two masculine energies, immature and disconnected with leaning into feminine.

  1. Immature masculine: At times the male lead embodies the immature masculine energy. This energy is very enticing energy to a woman on the surface, but it doesn’t take long before she realizes that it is selfish in nature and will never serve her. The immature masculine man draws a woman in with his energy (rooted, confident, decisive) because she feels he will be a great provider/protector. And then she is so terribly disappointed or hurt when she finds that she is with a man who only provides and protects himself…even at her expense. This is the type of man who PISSES OFF real mature masculine men. A mature masculine man will steer clear of any immature masculine man who demonstrates this kind of lack of honor and integrity. Ladies, if you are lucky enough to have a mature masculine man in your world, listen to his judgment when he tells you another man lacks honor and integrity! Men have a radar for this!
  2. Disconnected from masculine and leaning into feminine: The other energy that the male lead portrays in this film is disconnected completely from his masculine, unrooted, and even out of control. There are several times throughout this film when the male character completely loses root of himself and unravels. The most prominent of these scenes is the scene at the end where he punishes her. More on that in a moment.

On the other hand, while the woman in this film starts out as feminine energy she flips into her masculine energy because the male in this relationship has not yet become mature masculine.

Let me explain. It’s sad really, because this innocent woman actually starts out in her feminine energy. She is open. At its essence, feminine energy is your level of openness. How open are you. The opposite of which would be how protected, withdrawn, shut down, punishing, tight, or closed are you?

She starts out in her feminine, but eventually being with him as he goes from moments of immature masculine to completely disconnected from his masculine and more in the feminine, she switched into her masculine…as most women do. When a woman is with a man whom she realizes is only looking out for himself or disconnected and “not driving the ship,” she will often flip into her masculine. It’s human nature. If no one else is leading and protecting me, then I must lead and protect me.

The ultimate example of the FLIP FLOPPED energy was the final scene of 50 Shades when he punishes her. In this scene, she “mans-up,” completely closes, shuts off all feeling, puts up her walls and tells him to “give her the worst of it.” She goes into full masculine, to take it like a man.

And when she does, he loses all control of himself, which is the opposite of the mature masculine and unravels as he hits her.

And then she leaves…decisively. Even as she walks out and he tries to follow, she raises HER hand and says NO…and he stops dead in his tracks. She’s in the masculine at that point. She realizes she has to serve, provide, and protect herself. He is completely disconnected from his masculine core.

When the energies are flip flopped, you will not experience the height of unleashed passion!

The mature masculine man may engage in S&M, spanking, bondage or a host of other erotic sexual interactions with his woman. The energy behind it will always be him providing extraordinary pleasure for her, to serve her, in all the flavors that takes, both gentle and intense energies, all while protecting her.

The mature masculine energy and hitting a woman in anger are mutually exclusive occurrences.

In intimacy and in life, women need to SURRENDER! To release, let it all go, let everything wash away, stop driving, stop controlling, stop making all the decisions, just shut off her brain and be led to her highest good….to be pleasured by her man over and over and over again beyond anything she could have dreamed for herself!

In any situation with an immature masculine man, a woman cannot surrender, she can only submit. And there is a huge difference between surrender and submission!

You can even feel the difference, energetically, when you say the words. Submission is something that you do against what you truly want, against your will, whether by coercion, duress, manipulation or just not knowing better. Surrender is something that you choose to do, willingly, because your partner is leading based on what is in YOUR best interest.

Submission: A man who wants dominance over a woman, wants domination for HIS best interest against her will. That is total and complete SHIT. There’s nothing sexy about it and it’s not part of an unleashed passion. 50 Shades demonstrated this man’s attempt at creating submission.

Surrender: With a mature masculine man, a woman can surrender because he is leading with HER best interest at heart! This is one of the most delicious and delightful experiences of life. It can be scary at first, if you are not used to the experience (so is loving unconditionally)…but surrendering is so juicy, exciting, fulfilling and insanely hot!

A feminine woman, by definition, can only surrender to a man in his mature masculine.

A mature masculine man is in control of himself and in control during sex! If the man is not in control, the woman has no one to surrender and open to! If he’s not in control…then she can’t surrender… because no one would be “driving the ship?!”

And if the man is in his immature masculine, she cannot surrender, because he’s not leading her for HER best interest, he’s only interested in his own interest, possibly even in spite of what she truly and deeply wants and needs. How could she possibly surrender to someone she has to protect herself from? It’s not possible.

Many people even find surrender objectionable. These are often women who are stuck in their masculine (a masculine energy would never surrender to anyone else), or people who have never had any experience in life of someone else that they could trust with their own life and would be happy to surrender to!

I understand. I used to fit both of those descriptions. I was a woman stuck in my masculine energy, who built my entire life on never depending on anyone but me and always being the one in control. I didn’t know life could be any other way.

Then life sent me Paul Martino. While Paul started out disconnected from his masculine, in time he mastered the art and science of reconnecting to his mature masculine energy.

Paul is wired for protection, providing, and service and he is completely driven by honor and integrity. It runs so deep for him, I would say it’s the blood in his veins.

By consistently showing up in service, protecting me way better than I can protect myself, leading me for my own best interest, clearing the path for me and so much more…eventually I realized that Paul is the first human I’ve ever met that I can trust even more than myself. It didn’t come easily for me, and it took a long time, but eventually I opened to Paul and I surrendered.

I let my walls crumble, I put down my armor and my weapons, I stopped controlling and driving and I melted into his arms. Ever since, he has been creating the most magical, ecstatic and blissful experience of a life for me…beyond my wildest dreams.

We didn’t start out as these two people, but together, we enabled the other to unleash into their best and most authentic self…and we created what we have today! This juicy, hot, intense, magnetic and orgasmic life we treasure!

Please post a comment below! What was your biggest take away from this article? What is one thing can you do in your relationship to unleash your passion today?

Sending love (and passion!)


p.s. I wrote “Why Surrendering to Your Man Makes You Both Happier.” It went viral when Your Tango put it on their home page for days! The editor at Your Tango (13 million readers) sent me a note to say that in all her years, my article was the best explanation of submission vs surrender that she had ever read! Read the article here: http://loveandpassioncoach.com/the-difference-between-surrender-and-submission/

p.p.s. Fourteen years ago, Paul and I almost lost our relationship in one painful night when Paul’s intention was to leave me. You can read about our story here: http://loveandpassioncoach.com/about/

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50 Shades of…whaaaaattt?!?!

March 5, 2015

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February 19, 2015

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I was paralyzed with fear…

January 22, 2015

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January 15, 2015

What do you need to have a breakthrough? What does it take to break through whatever your current limitations are and reach the next level you truly desire? You MUST be willing to leave your current comfort zone for your next level…that’s for sure! To do that will require you to stretch and grow! Sometimes…

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January 8, 2015

“The QUALITY of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of UNCERTAINTY you can comfortably live with” – Tony Robbins Yes, that is painted onto our office wall…along with many other quotes that are more than just quotes to us…we live by these words! WHY? Many years ago, at a Date with Destiny…

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