be-jolly-mug1As we approach the holiday season and all the family and friends around us, it can sometimes be a stressful time….with people that drive us a little wack-a-doodle. Instead of letting that “crazy aunt betty” ruin your holiday cheer, empower yourself with the tool that we created to enable you to breeze through any situation with love & grace!

In today’s article I’m teaching you the Right Hand/Left Hand tool that I created years ago to empower my clients to manage the different groups of people in their lives and strengthen all relationships!

I teach this tool to help my clients, who are growing and transforming, better manage their relationships with their friends and family who are not growing and transforming. But you can apply this same tool to creating more peace and harmony when spending time with friends and family members who may stress you out over the holidays….

Ever come back from a phenomenal personal development event or program and feel like “no one in my regular life gets me?”

I’ve spent the last two decades in the personal development field and coached countless people who are on the path of personal development.  One thing I’ve noticed, repeatedly, was the struggle that people on the personal development path had assimilating back into the “muggle world” (regular world).

I noticed a pattern as people came back into their every-day life, where one of two things would happen.  Either they would spew unwanted personal development stuff all over the people around them, or worse, they would go back to playing small so as not to alienate the people close to them.

This breaks my heart.  So, I created a tool to help my clients maintain their long lasting breakthroughs AND cultivate their personal relationships at the same time! Because YES, you can have it all!!

First, let me explain, that there are two groups of people in your life today.

The first group consists of the people in your life who GROW with you. They hold you to a higher standard, challenge you to be the best version of yourself and will reach out and pull you up to your next level.

The other group of people in your life is your friends and family.  They are the people who love you and have known you the longest.  They are NOT on the personal development path right now.

Pain happens when you interact with your friends and family, as if they are part of that first group (those who grow with you) and you share your growth and development work with them.

I understand.  It’s not easy to watch the people in your life suffer when you know you have a distinction that can help them.

But what you are missing is the flip-side of that interaction.  It’s also painful for your friends and family.

While you are coming from the most loving of intentions, when you offer unwanted personal growth, what your friends and family actually hear is “I guess you don’t think I’m good enough the way I am.”

They feel rejected.

So you both end up feeling bad.  And the relationship gets strained.  This is where too many people, end up distancing themselves from people they just don’t know how to “be” with.

I created a tool called Right Hand/Left Hand to help my clients integrate long lasting change into their lives in a way that enhances their personal relationships too! Here’s how it works:

Put your hands out in front of you, palms up.

In your left hand is the people you grow with.  When you are in your Left Hand, you get support, validation, growth and personal development.

In your right hand is your Friends and Family.  You only go to your right hand to GIVE!  GIVE unconditional love and compassion to each and every one of them! You are a force for good in their lives!

You go to your left hand to GET, and out of that growth, YOU have the potential to GIVE unconditionally to your friends and family!

Left Hand = You go to GROW

Right Hand = You go to GIVE

Most people will go through their entire lives never having anyone give them unconditional love and compassion for exactly who they are.  You have the ability within you to be that person for your friends and family!  Don’t sell yourself short and distance yourself.  Step in!

How does this relate to the holiday season stress?

When you are interacting with the friends and family who have a tendency to trigger you or cause you stress…remember, they are in your Right Hand.

Your job is to give unconditional compassion…that’s it! Stop looking for their validation, you don’t need them to “get” you and you certainly don’t need to engage in any debates over stuff that you don’t agree on. Just give compassion!

Show up to give!

When you show up looking to give, with no expectation of how they will interact with you in return…it diffuses the negative energy right out of the interaction for you and you can enjoy your holidays stress free!!

And that is the key to constantly growing and developing while enhancing the relationships in your life—so you can be the best version of yourself and have the greatest relationships with the people you love too!

Happy Holidays!


{ 7 Brilliant Comments from Dedicated Reader }


Stacey’s Relationship Column from the current issue of Aspire Magazine…

When Linda told me that this issue of Aspire was about creating a life you love…my head nearly popped off my body! Oh, the things we could talk about! Where to begin!

Creating a life you love is the foundation for everything!  I passionately believe that your entire life is of your creating. What you love about it and what you hate about it…you created it.

I passionately believe that “Magnificent love affairs are created and not found”. In fact, it’s the foundation of our 8 step relationship transformation system and how we teach people all over the world to create their unshakable love and unleashed passion…because it is absolutely created!

But I’m not going to talk to you about any of that today. NOPE. Buckle up buttercup…because it’s ON!

Paul and I teach our clients a tool that we created called “Brick or Glass™”. 

Every time you are faced with an “uncomfortable” thought or feeling in relationship to someone (including your partner), you have an opportunity.

It’s like you have a big cabinet next to you, with six shelves on it. The top three shelves are lined with beautiful velvet bags full of gorgeous multi-colored, glistening, broken glass. The bottom three shelves are lined with old, dusty, heavy bricks.

Every time you are faced with an uncomfortable feeling or thought in relationship to your partner, you have a choice.

Choice #1: Glass.  You can avoid the thought or feeling and reach up onto that shelf and pull down a beautiful bag of broken glass and spread it down on the floor of your relationship. When you do this, you are constantly walking on broken glass in your relationship. Your relationship is on shaky ground. There is distance and tension building…and you feel it. You may be confused because you thought you could avoid feel worse by “avoiding” an uncomfortable conversation…but somehow you feel worse.

Choice #2: Brick. Take a deep breath, find your compassion and harness your courage, come from your best and most authentic self and walk right into that conversation with your partner. Reach up onto that shelf and take a big, heavy, ugly brick and lay it down on the foundation of your relationship. It’s not pretty and it’s not comfortable. But when you navigate these “bricks” successfully, you will look down and realize that the relationship you are standing on is built of big sturdy bricks and it cannot be torn down! You will get more and more comfortable in the discomfort of the bricks that you put down in your relationship. And you will look forward to the experience that you come to rely on…that on the other side of every “brick” conversation, you feel closer, more aligned, more understood, more understanding for, and deeper in love with your partner. You are BUILDING the foundation of your unshakable love…. “brick by brick”.

So, since I totally love you and I am a certified brick layer ;) I’m going to lay down a brick in our relationship right here today.

My darling, I know that you are trying to protect yourself from the pain and the hurt that you are scared to feel. I understand that you don’t want to risk things getting worse than they are. I see that you are stuck in the patterns that you have run for decades and not sure how to get yourself out of them. I feel your deepest fear….that you are not enough, that you are not lovable, and you will be abandoned for it.

I feel you. Actually my darling, all women feel you. You are not alone.


If you are living without the love you want in your life, if you are living in a passionless relationship, if you are living in a relationship where you are not a rock solid and indivisible team, if you are living without consistent ravishing and satisfying sex ….you are NOT living a life you love!

And if you are telling yourself …I don’t need that, no one really has that, I don’t deserve that, I didn’t find that, I’m not pretty enough for that, he could never feel that way about me, I’m too busy for that, I’m too tired for that, I’m fine without that, it’s not that bad, I have it better than I thought I would, this is my punishment for the choices I’ve made, there are other things more important than that, I’ll do that later….

You are lying to yourself. (Brick)

“Love is the oxygen of the soul.” – Tony Robbins

If you don’t have the LOVE and PASSION that you want, you are NOT living a life you love…by definition! You are WIRED for love and passion my darling. It’s in your cells. Every baby needs to be loved and touched or they will DIE. It’s part of who we are as humans.

All the crap that you are telling yourself about why you don’t have it, why you can’t have it, why you don’t deserve it….that’s just your ego trying to protect you from the PAIN of getting hurt.

We all have that too.

Do you remember when your kid was trying to walk for the first time? Remember how they used to pull themselves up next to the furniture and hold on as they took steps? Remember how they used to teeter along and then plop down?

The first time they tried to walk and they fell. Did you go over to that baby, look them in the eye and tell them “Walking just isn’t for you sweetie. You’re not going to be a walker. It’s going to hurt each time you struggle and fall. You are a great crawler. Just stick with the crawling because you are really good at that and you won’t get hurt that way.”

Um. hell no!

Well sweetie, it’s the same for you.

I see you. I know. You’ve been hurt and you don’t want to get hurt again.

But sweetheart, you ARE a walker! You are going to “fall down and go boom” a few times along the road as you teeter your way to mastery, but you are a WALKER! You are WIRED for this. You are MADE for this. Just like the baby who is wired for walking….you are WIRED to LOVE and BE LOVED!!!! Masterfully!

Don’t run because you fell and got hurt!

And don’t believe the flat out lie that love doesn’t hurt! Love does hurt! It’s supposed to. If you are not getting bumps and bruises in life then you are playing too small! We are not supposed to go through this life without getting messy, hurt, broken open, and tossed around! Life is meant to be LIVED! And when we go for it, when we stretch ourselves, when we live into the greatness that we are meant to be….there is going to be fear, hurt and pain at times! It’s part of the journey!

And it’s WORTH IT! You are worth it!

So my darling, love yourself as much as I love you! Stop lying to yourself and start CREATING the love and passion that you are WIRED for!

OR, you can reach up on that shelf, pick up a beautiful velvet bag and sprinkle that glass on the foundation of your life.

It’s your choice…. Choose Wisely!

To read Stacey’s column and the amazing articles in this issue of Aspire and every issue, get your free issue here.


{ 14 Brilliant Comments from Dedicated Reader }

I used to HATE Black Friday shopping!

December 4, 2014

I found the entire idea revolting! I loved holiday shopping…but was hugely anti-Black Friday. I can remember countless conversations (if you wanna call sitting and bitching and moaning with people conversation) complaining about the whole Black Friday crowds and crazy hours. I was happy to pay full price and remove myself from all that. Then…

Read Entire Article

Say YES…then figure out the HOW later!

November 20, 2014

Say YES…then figure out the HOW later! I know you’ve heard that before…and you might be thinking “I already know that!” but are you LIVING it when it’s tough??? There’s an easy way to figure it out….when was the last time you said NO? When was the last time you knew you should do something,…

Read Entire Article

YOU are the Julie McCoy of your relationship!

November 13, 2014

If you are quite younger than me, you probably have NO IDEA who the hell Julie McCoy is…but if you are around my age, you know exactly who she is! Julie McCoy, the ever-bubbly, quite resourceful Cruise Director of the Love Boat! So what does Julie McCoy have to do with your relationship?! Oh sweetie…so…

Read Entire Article

How are you empowering your kids to love GIVING??

November 6, 2014

Thanksgiving season is here! And while the turkeys and pumpkins are awesome….so is the GIVING and the THANKS!!! Shortly after Jake was born, Paul and I started looking for an experience we could do as a family around Thanksgiving to help him experience how good it feels to GIVE and help other people.  We looked…

Read Entire Article

Are you breaking some rules in your relationship?

October 30, 2014

One of my clients looks at me and says, “so I broke one of my own rules” … She’s having her 1:1 laser coaching with me as part of the two day live retreat for our Relationship Breakthrough Total Access students! Without even pausing for a second, the words just flew right out of my…

Read Entire Article

Happy Birthday to the greatest man who walks the planet today!

October 23, 2014

To Paul Martino, the greatest man on the planet… (a blog post for one) My love. There really are no words to say what I need to say to you. The words haven’t been invented yet. This will never be enough….but it’s a beginning…. Paul, I so desperately love you, it’s crazy. There’s no other feeling…

Read Entire Article

How to DATE your spouse!

October 16, 2014

First off, are you dating? Dating your partner is a MUST! It’s not a “nice to have” like organizing your linen closet. We do a deep dive on this in Step Seven: S-Flirt, of our Eight Step Relationship Transformation System®. In my experience, people don’t take their FUN seriously enough!  I get it – you…

Read Entire Article

Are you living FEARLESSLY?

October 9, 2014

If you are not currently happy with any area of your life it’s because you are NOT living fearlessly in that area of your life. Pain is just the universe telling you that you need to GROW here. Growth, by definition, requires you to live fearlessly. One of my mentors, Keith Cunningham, once told me…

Read Entire Article