Say YES…then figure out the HOW later!

I know you’ve heard that before…and you might be thinking “I already know that!” but are you LIVING it when it’s tough???

There’s an easy way to figure it out….when was the last time you said NO? When was the last time you knew you should do something, but you didn’t? When was the last time you chose not to ask for what you really wanted?

Those are all ways that you are not saying YES and figuring out the HOW later!


Saying YES when you cannot see the HOW is a hell of a lot more difficult than just saying YES!

But if you want a magnificent life….you must say YES to the opportunities that take you closer to what you really want, the ones that just feel SO right and SO scary at the same time…..the ones that you WANT to say yes to but they scare you big time! Those are EXACTLY the opportunities that you are supposed to say YES to and figure out the HOW later!

Look, let’s just be honest. Let’s say that I ask you, can you go pick up this “thing” for me at this “place”?  You have never been there before, but it’s only about 30 minutes from where you live, you have a GPS and you will pretty much be able to figure it out. You can say yes to that. Perhaps you have never done it before, but you pretty much know HOW already. That’s NOT the kind of situation I’m talking about here!

I’m talking about the situation where someone asks you if you would like to be the keynote speaker at an event that would be incredible exposure for you. They are not paying you to speak, you have to fly yourself across the country and you haven’t done a keynote speech yet, but they believe in your message. The audience is full of people that you know you can make a difference for and would be ideal clients for you. They ask you if you want to accept.

Saying YES may not be quite so easy huh?

The self talk begins….

  • Who are you to be the keynote speaker?
  • If you say yes, they are just going to discover that you really don’t have what it takes
  • You can’t afford to fly yourself out there
  • If they don’t pay you, are you just giving your stuff away?
  • There’s no REAL business opportunity here….I mean, there’s no guarantee that anyone there will ever work with you
  • You would have to move “paying” client work to accommodate those dates
  • Your kids are not going to be happy if you are away overnight again
  • Your partner won’t be happy if you ask him/her to “cover” for you at home again
  • Maybe your peers will question whether this is a good thing at all…I mean, you aren’t being paid
  • If they discover you are a fraud and drop you, what will you tell people?
  • Maybe don’t tell anyone, because this way if it doesn’t work out, you won’t be disappointed or embarrassed

On, and on, and on!

Any of this sound familiar?

This is the self-talk that talks you right out of saying YES when you cannot see the HOW!

And the opportunities that are GIVEN to you that are designed to take you outside of your current comfort zone (into your next level) are usually opportunities where you do not know the HOW! Let’s face it, if you knew “the how” it would be within your current comfort zone.

So, you have asked for a new level, something MORE than what you have now, the opportunity presents itself. It feels “uncomfortable” because you can’t see the HOW.

If you say YES, you have the opportunity to go into your next level AND the risk that NOTHING may come of it.

If you say NO, you know what you get….more of the old comfort zone, more of the same. But this time, as you are yearning for more, that old comfort zone is starting to feel smaller and tighter!

This is exactly the kind of situation that calls for saying YES and figuring out the HOW later!

It’s not as easy as it sounds…is it?

So, now I ask you…when was the last time you said YES knowing you would have to figure out the HOW later because you had no freakin’ clue how you were going to pull that off???

It happened to me this morning!

Someone told me that the Steve Harvey Show was looking for transformation stories from people who feel their lives were transformed by Tony Robbins! They were looking for stories and their request was “if your transformation story is bigger than mine, maybe I’ll submit you instead of me!”


All kinds of self-talk could come up around that!

  • I don’t know if my story is bigger than yours.
  • I don’t want my story to be bigger than yours, I want to celebrate you.
  • Who am I to say my story is bigger?

The Show was looking for transformation stories so they could surprise Tony with a thank you from someone whose life was really impacted by him. Tony is on a huge book tour right now and I know how important this promotion is for him to reach more people and serve in a bigger way. I wasn’t about to let my “fear” hold me back.

I wrote my story. I sent it to this lovely woman with a note that said “I have no idea if my transformation is bigger than yours, but if my story serves you, Tony, or the Steve Harvey Show, I’m always happy to be of service and will do whatever is needed!”

Within the hour, the producer of the Steve Harvey Show reached out to me!

Holy Crap!

To move forward with this I needed to shoot a specific video, submit specific kind of photos and write my answers to 5 questions.

Ok, I’m looking at the time…it’s 8:15 am. My coaching day starts at 9 am. This is not very convenient timing, but I’m not going to let that stop me!

I setup my phone, shoot the video, pick the pictures that match the criteria and write my answers to the questions. I hit the send button at 8:59 am! Whew!

Two hours later the producer calls me. He’s excited about submitting me for consideration to the Executive Producer team. He just needs to confirm that if I am selected, I can fly in tomorrow (Wednesday) to be in the studio with them all day Thursday!

Knowing full well that my Wednesday and Thursday are so fully booked that I do not even have 30 minutes open on my calendar I say “Yep, we will make that happen!”

Meanwhile, I’m calling Paul, my best friend, and the peeps in my mastermind group sharing my excitement and the thrilling news of this opportunity!!!!!

Mind you, at this point, I am fully excited, jumping up and down and just elated.

For WHAT? Nothing has happened. They may not pick me…right?

So why am I “getting my hopes up” as someone might say?

HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER!!!! Why the hell not!?!

SO I might not get picked! SO it may turn out to be nothing! SO I may actually get picked and be on the show and still nothing may come of that opportunity!


In every great YES outside my comfort zone there is a RISK!

But it’s not a life and death risk my friend! It’s just an emotional risk!

The producer of the show asked me one question that sums this up. He said “what one quote or training from Tony would you say is your life mantra”?


“Everything happens for a reason and a purpose and it serves you!” – Tony Robbins

It’s painted on our office wall over the entry door…. 4 feet wide!  I LIVE by that quote and this is where the rubber meets the road!

I believe that saying YES at every step of this journey has already served me! Whether it’s this opportunity or something better, I leave that to G-d to decide!

My job is to say YES, take massive action and keep moving forward! My job is also to LOOSELY drive and know that my creator is actually driving this…not me!

I have FAITH that all is exactly as it should be. Whether I end up on the Steve Harvey Show or not is actually not the GOAL.

The goal is always who I become on the journey to the outcome…not the outcome itself!

It’s not about being on the Steve Harvey Show, it’s about enjoying the excitement, the fun, and the growth of the experience!!  This takes emotional fitness and peak psychology….and it is SO worth it!!

How does this apply to your relationship?

You want to create that rock solid alignment where nothing and nobody can come between you?  You want a ravishing and steamy hot sex life where you crave your partner and feel that electric energy all day???

Are you saying YES to going ALL-IN with your partner? Are you saying YES to being vulnerable and throwing yourself into your relationship? Are you saying YES to being the ONE who transforms your relationship, even if your partner is not interested in being part of that transformation process?

SAY YES! And figure out the HOW later!

One of my mentors Fabienne Fredrickson once said “When that ideal referral partner agrees to go to lunch with you, you tell them that you will get on a plane and fly in to take them out to lunch!”

Saying YES today is my version of flying in to take that yummy partner to lunch!

Now it’s your turn!

Are you ready to say YES to your relationship and make it what you really want it to be??

Sending love,


p.s. I’ll let you in on a little secret… don’t even have to figure out the HOW later….Paul and I already did it for you!  Are you ready? Give us a call or send us an email and let’s setup a chat! I wanna hear more about your situation and see if I can help! (215-600-1720 X109 or

{ 6 Brilliant Comments from Dedicated Reader }

The Love Boat tv show image of the cast

If you are quite younger than me, you probably have NO IDEA who the hell Julie McCoy is…but if you are around my age, you know exactly who she is!

Julie McCoy, the ever-bubbly, quite resourceful Cruise Director of the Love Boat!

So what does Julie McCoy have to do with your relationship?! Oh sweetie…so much!

Every single week at least one of our clients shares their frustration and asks for my help with dating their partner.

Maybe you can relate to some of this frustration?

You wanna date your partner more often? You want them to plan something fun for you both but they just don’t?  You’re both so busy that it’s just not happening?

That’s where Julie McCoy comes in! You see darling, YOU are the Julie McCoy of your relationship! If you want to go out on a date with your partner YOU must be the cruise director and make it happen!

Many women come to me and say “but I don’t WANT to plan the date…I want my man to take me out!”

I get it sweetie! That is a very feminine and wonderful feeling to have! Every woman wants to be taken out! Every woman wants to be LED by her man and have him make the plans! Just tell her to get dressed up and lead the entire night so she can just sink into the juiciness of being with him, shut off her brain and enjoy herself! Ah, it sounds awesome just thinking about it!

Here’s the thing, most men have NO IDEA that you want that!

How could they?! Think about what you do all week long sweetie! You run everything! You make all the decisions, you have everyone’s schedules in your head, you are juggling all the balls…you are in control and you are driving!

So, it’s only fair that (without guidance or conversation about it) most men would “assume” that you want to stay IN CONTROL on the weekend too! In fact, out of respect for you, he probably gave up trying to “drive” (so as not to push you out of the way and take over) a long time ago?

He has no freakin’ clue that you desperately want to STOP driving, release control, and be TAKEN by a strong, decisive, masculine man on the weekend….(in fact, you actually want it ALL the freakin’ time, but let’s start with date-night and work our way up!)

So what now? Can this be fixed?

Of course sweetie!

And it all starts with YOU!

YOU are the Cruise Director of your relationship! YOU need to be the one to plan the dates sweetie!

Yes YOU!

During the Relationship Transformation phase, when you are shifting how you show up, empowering yourself with the tools & strategies that really work and creating a positive shift in your relationship, YOU need to be the one to take the action!

It starts with you. Once you start creating awesome dates on a consistent basis, create the energy of a date when you are out….you will LOVE the change you experience in your relationship!

Here are a few of my strategies for HOW to start creating great dates with your partner…

ENERGY! A date has an energy to it! It’s more than just “going out.” A date has flirting and fun to it! Bring that dating energy to your time together sweetie!

SCHEDULE IT! Yes, that’s right…schedule your dates! Look at the calendar, pick your evenings or afternoons, hire a babysitter, and block off “date” on the calendar! Then tell your partner that you are planning a fun date for X day at Y time!

PLAN IT! It does NOT have to be anything big. Go out to dinner, go see a movie, go to the park for a walk, go hang out at Starbucks over a tea…just GO!

In the beginning, until date nights become a part of your regular life, live by this rule:

Plan it by Wednesday and go out on the weekend!

Whatever you want to do on the weekend…plan it by Wednesday night.

If you want to go to the movies, get the Fandango App on your phone and order the tickets!

If you want to go to dinner, get the Open Table App on your phone and make reservations!

You wanna hang at Starbucks…pick up a Gift Card when you go in for your coffee on Wednesday! Sure you can walk in there on Saturday and pay for your tea and cookie, but there’s something more “fun” and “datey” about going out with a $10 gift card that you just HAVE TO SPEND!

The two keys are: Bring consistency to your dating frequency and bring FUN to the dating experiences!

Julie McCoy never missed a week of planning fun, romantic, and magical experiences for the Lovies on the Love Boat! She’s your new role model! Channel your “Inner Julie”….just have a better haircut!!! ;)

Sending love,


p.s. Can’t believe I found this…the opening credits to The Love Boat! (and this episode features my dear friend Suzanne Somers…how serendipitous!)

11-12-2014 7-46-53 PM



{ 0 Brilliant Comments from Dedicated Readers }

How are you empowering your kids to love GIVING??

November 6, 2014

Thanksgiving season is here! And while the turkeys and pumpkins are awesome….so is the GIVING and the THANKS!!! Shortly after Jake was born, Paul and I started looking for an experience we could do as a family around Thanksgiving to help him experience how good it feels to GIVE and help other people.  We looked…

Read Entire Article

Are you breaking some rules in your relationship?

October 30, 2014

One of my clients looks at me and says, “so I broke one of my own rules” … She’s having her 1:1 laser coaching with me as part of the two day live retreat for our Relationship Breakthrough Total Access students! Without even pausing for a second, the words just flew right out of my…

Read Entire Article

Happy Birthday to the greatest man who walks the planet today!

October 23, 2014

To Paul Martino, the greatest man on the planet… (a blog post for one) My love. There really are no words to say what I need to say to you. The words haven’t been invented yet. This will never be enough….but it’s a beginning…. Paul, I so desperately love you, it’s crazy. There’s no other feeling…

Read Entire Article

How to DATE your spouse!

October 16, 2014

First off, are you dating? Dating your partner is a MUST! It’s not a “nice to have” like organizing your linen closet. We do a deep dive on this in Step Seven: S-Flirt, of our Eight Step Relationship Transformation System®. In my experience, people don’t take their FUN seriously enough!  I get it – you…

Read Entire Article

Are you living FEARLESSLY?

October 9, 2014

If you are not currently happy with any area of your life it’s because you are NOT living fearlessly in that area of your life. Pain is just the universe telling you that you need to GROW here. Growth, by definition, requires you to live fearlessly. One of my mentors, Keith Cunningham, once told me…

Read Entire Article

Keeping Score?

October 2, 2014

My clients know that keeping score or measuring what your partner gives you in exchange for what you give them is a relationship transformation killer! And yet, so many people keep score in their relationship. By definition, a 50/50 relationship implies that you are keeping score. How else do you know if it’s 50/50 unless…

Read Entire Article

Fighting over the housework?

September 25, 2014

“I do more of the housework…that’s how I know I’m doing more of it!” That’s the answer my client gave me today when I asked her “how do you know you are doing more housework than your husband?” Her answer was fair, accurate and maybe even a bit obvious.  And it seems like a conversation…

Read Entire Article

Ever wonder who the NEXT person is that you will be SO grateful for?

September 18, 2014

Have you ever had something that you LOVED to do, a passion, a mission, a calling, that burns inside of you…but no way to actually spend any time doing that ONE thing?! Well, I know that feeling. That was me. Actually, it took me YEARS to figure out my passion. I’ve been in personal development…

Read Entire Article