How often do you say YES!

April 10, 2014

yesThis week was life changing for Paul and I…and the ripple effect from this week gives me chills when I imagine it!

What happened?

On Tuesday, Paul and I went up to Connecticut to strategize and plan with our friends and mentors Fabienne and Derek Fredrickson. It wasn’t the first time we’ve been there.

So, why was this day different than all other days?

A few days after Valentine’s Day, Paul and I began to lay out our plan for the rest of 2014 and how we were going to serve in an even bigger way, help even more people than ever, give even more than we have already, stretch ourselves, live our purpose and have a total blast doing it!

As part of our plan for 2014, Paul and I are creating something that is a HUGE dream of ours to create and it’s something we’ve never created before! For now, let’s just call it “The Big Thing.”

I remember the moment vividly. As I asked myself the question, “how are we going to create this Big Thing in the way that creates the greatest good for the most people?” I immediately got the download “Maybe you should strategize this with Fabienne and Derek.”  And of course, I shook that off, and continued ahead.

The next time we started working on the plans for the Big Thing, the download came again, like a quick thought or knowing or voice…. “Work with Derek and Fabienne on this, they’ve done this Big Thing already. In fact, it was their idea for YOU to do the Big Thing.”

So I asked Paul…“Hmmmm, babe, I keep getting the “download” like maybe we should talk to Fabienne and Derek about working with them to create the strategy and planning for the Big Thing?”

Here’s the thing, I’m a MODELER! Yeah, I’m just gonna totally make up that word – it works, so I’m stickin’ with it!

After nearly two decades of training with Tony Robbins I have learned the science of MODELING. No, not posing for pictures!  Modeling – Decide your outcome, find someone who has already successfully achieved your outcome and is happily teaching others how to achieve that outcome with repeatable success and model what they are doing so you get the same outcome!

BIG FAN!

When I teach this to my private clients, I use the Mountain metaphor. There’s always going to be someone who’s further up your mountain than you are. They may not be at the TOP of that mountain yet, but they’ve already successfully navigated the part you are trying to climb right now! So let them throw down a rope to you and PULL you right up!

I’m a love and passion expert! But if no one knows about me, how can I serve people and live my purpose? I’m not a “client attraction” expert. Fabienne and Derek are further up our mountain. That’s why we work with the Fredricksons.  Because they throw the rope down and pull us up!

Sounds so easy right!  If it was that easy, everyone would be at the top of their mountain darling!

What’s required in order to get that rope and hoist yourself to your next level??

THE YES! It all comes back to the YES!

The “YES POINT” is where you either elevate yourself up to the next level on your mountain or… NOT!

So, we talked to Fabienne and Derek and, as always, they are so gracious and incredibly supportive and wildly passionate about us getting our message out there to serve as many people as we can possibly reach! And so they offered us… the ROPE to pull us up the mountain!

Here’s a secret for you….Your ROPE will always come to you in the form of an OPPORTUNITY! In this case, a private VIP day with Fabienne and Derek at their home, just the four of us to strategize and plan our Big Thing!

So Paul and I are there, looking at the “rope” that Fabienne and Derek tossed down to us. It’s a solid rope. I have no doubt about the rope. I know that Fabienne and Derek used this rope to get to where they are on the mountain. I watched them do it and I know “the rope” works!

BUT…..I’ve never climbed that part of the mountain. I’ve never used “that rope.” What if I say YES, and it turns out that “the rope” only works for other people and NOT ME? What if I miss my chance to do something else? Hey, maybe there’s an elevator on this mountain, did anyone check, you don’t know, it could be? There’s a lot of “unknowns” about taking that rope.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.

FAITH is saying YES to the opportunity when you have no certainty of the outcome!

We KNOW this mountain. We KNOW they are MUCH farther up the mountain. We watched them go successfully. We’ve watched them take other people successfully up this mountain. We are going up the freakin’ mountain! These are our guides. We are takin’ that rope!

We said YES!

When you take decisive action and SAY YES to the right opportunity in FAITH several things happen:

  1. Magic happens! It’s like the universe gets the message “Oh, they’re serious about this!” and starts to line up the resources and next steps that you need to achieve your outcome. You don’t have to believe me…try it for yourself!
  2. You instantly realize that the only REAL uncertainty would have been the RISK in trying to figure out how to scale that mountain on your own WITHOUT a rope and not succeeding or worse, taking a big fall! (that’s a HUGE one…read that again!)
  3. Expert Guidance combined with Massive Action combined with Big Intention and the Helping Hands of the universe make you UNSTOPPABLE!

It all comes back to the YES!

It is VERY easy to look at that opportunity, look at that ROPE, feel the uncertainty of the outcome, know that you have never navigated that part of your mountain before and say NO! Nu-uh. Not now. I can’t. I don’t have the time. I can’t afford that rope. Who am I to take that rope, someone else will be better for this rope. What if I take the rope and I leave everyone behind on the mountain, they won’t like me anymore. No, I’m going to climb this myself and figure it out, the rope isn’t for me. I don’t even need to climb that high on this mountain anyway, I’m fine right here, that’s too high for me anyway.

Any of this sounding familiar to you?

Take a look DOWN your mountain. Do you remember some of the leaps and ropes that got you to where you are now? Did some of those work out for you?

“It’s in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped” – Anthony Robbins

That’s why it all comes back to the YES!

No is SO easy. But you already know where that gets you.

So, I ask you…How often do you SAY YES?!?!

Look at anyone you know who is creating a magnificent life for themselves and look at when they say YES! You will see!

It may “look” easy to you because you just SEE them grab that rope and shoot up the mountain. You don’t get to see the struggle, the fear, the faith and the YES MOMENT! But it happened.

What is it that you want? What’s up your mountain? Look UP! Who is farther up your mountain? Have they already successfully navigated to where you want to go next? Are they successfully teaching others to do the same in a way that is repeatable with outstanding results? Are they offering you the ROPE to pull you up??

SAY YES!

Post a comment below with your YES moment! I can’t wait to hear about it!

Sending love,

Stacey

p.s. I absolutely LOVE Bishop TD Jakes! I’m a huge fan and he is a big mentor for me. This video is absolutely essential. Please watch!

 

 

{ 2 Brilliant Comments from Dedicated Reader }

Cover_AprMay14_250x324“All You Need is Love.” – The Beatles

No one wishes this quote from the Beatles were true more than me! I LOVE love! My desire is for everyone to walk through their day completely and totally adored for their most authentic self, full and energized by the passion they have with their partner!

But that’s not the reality is it?

Why not? Because it takes more than falling in love or being in love to create long lasting love that grows stronger and more passionate with every day!

Unfortunately, most of us were raised to believe that a relationship either works out or it doesn’t. And when things cross a threshold in our relationships, we ask ourselves the hard question “Maybe this just wasn’t meant to be?” This is when people give up.

What is LOVE then? 

Tony Robbins says that “Love is the oxygen of the soul.”

Love is the greatest opening of our spirit. It’s what connects us to other human beings. We all crave to be loved, treasured and cherished by an intimate partner who puts us before all else!

“Passion is the life-force of your relationship!” Stacey Martino

In intimate relationship, you cannot have a magnificent love affair without PASSION! Passion is the life-force of your relationship! It’s the energy within you.  We all NEED passion or we feel numb inside!

LOVE is incredibly powerful! But it is not enough to sustain a magnificent relationship that lasts a lifetime!

Why not? 

Many people think that love should be enough and that if the relationship is “meant to be” then love is all you need.

These false beliefs are one of the greatest tragedies facing relationships today. They are responsible for more broken hearts and homes than anything else!

I’m here to take a stand today…for your relationship.  It’s time to put an end to these two false beliefs that destroy so many lives.

The false belief that love is enough.

The false belief that if it’s meant to be, it will just work out.

Why DO relationships end?

While there are thousands of different symptoms, it comes down to just one fundamental cause.

People start to “question” the relationship when their needs are not being met by their partner. And they give up when their needs are not being met by their partner consistently and they give up the hope that things can be any different.

What are these needs?

According to Human Needs Psychology, all people have the same fundamental human needs. The need for security, love, significance, variety, growth and contribution.  However, “the masculine” and “the feminine” have extremely different requirements for having their needs met within intimate relationships.

One of the key challenges people face today is that men and women lack an understanding and appreciation for the drastic differences between the masculine and the feminine.  As a result, we GIVE what we want to GET, but that’s not what our partner NEEDS in order to have his needs met!

As women, we interpret masculine actions, feelings and thoughts through our “feminine” filter and often react to our men as if they were “misbehaving” women who should know better and are having “bad behavior”.  While we’re attracted to their masculine “differences” (at times), this also frustrates the heck out of us.

By the same token, men are interpreting our actions, feelings and thoughts through their “masculine” filter and get completely confused because nothing in their masculine world can explain the feminine.  While every masculine man is attracted to the feminine, it also makes them crazy because they can’t understand it in their world.

It’s a miracle we ever get together at all, isn’t it?

Just what is the miracle that draws us together and keeps us together? The miracle is LOVE and PASSION! It’s the LOVE and the PASSION that gives us the strength of spirit and the energy we require to even get in there and give our relationships a go!

If we didn’t feel the pull of LOVE, we wouldn’t care enough to go deep and be vulnerable with our lover.

Without the life-force of the passionate desire we feel inside for our partner, we would not have the energy to keep growing into the best version of ourselves, have heartfelt understanding for our partner and create the love and life we want!

What does our partner need and how can we provide it?

There are hundreds of strategies I could share with you to help you meet your partner’s needs and take your relationship to the next level. Today I’ll share one fundamental strategy for the masculine and one for the feminine that will make the biggest impact in creating your magnificent love affair!

The feminine has a deep fundamental need to be provided for and not abandoned.  It’s not a WANT, it’s a NEED. And in today’s society…it’s getting unnecessarily complicated and ignored. Regardless of how “unpopular” this is, it’s the truth and it’s time we come back to honor this truth.

Can a feminine woman provide for herself, her family and her partner? Of course! This isn’t about what we CAN do. We can do anything a man (masculine) can do. However, there is a huge difference between how the feminine experiences providing and how the masculine experiences it.

The masculine is wired to provide and his worthiness is tied to his ability to provide.  It’s what he’s made to do and when he’s not doing it, he can feel completely worthless, the ramifications can be catastrophic.

A woman in her feminine does NOT have this same experience with providing. We CAN provide, but we don’t NEED to provide in order to feel worthy of living.  A woman in her feminine will provide when she needs to, but eventually she will feel depleted and resentful that she is not being provided for. Or she will flip into her masculine energy and stay there so she can keep providing and feeling worthy and significant from her ability to provide.

A man who is in his masculine would NEVER imagine a woman has a fundamental need to be provided for.  In fact, if you ask them, many men will respond to this with the shocked and confused response of “then why doesn’t she LET me do stuff for her!?”

It’s an ironic energetic snag for us ladies. We WANT to be provided for, but the energetic SNAG happens when we feel the truth that allowing ourselves to be provided for by another human being (who can’t do everything exactly the way we do it), takes a level of vulnerability that we feel resistant to.

Which brings us to one of the most fundamental needs that a masculine man has.  This need is so completely off most women’s radars that you may not even believe me when you read this! A (masculine) man needs to make a (feminine) woman HAPPY.

He must be able to make her happy to have a thriving intimate relationship with her.  A man will give up on an intimate relationship if he feels that he can’t make his woman happy.  He will END that relationship when he gives up the hope that he can ever make her happy.

This is terribly unfortunate, because so many women today struggle with allowing themselves to be happy!  Don’t get me wrong, I know that women WANT to be happy. But the truth is, we have so many rules about how things have to be in order to BE happy.  We often make it SO hard to win and really easy to fail. We make it very difficult for our men to experience the success of making us happy, especially if that man has disappointed us many times in the past!

As women, we also have a pattern of withholding our love as a means to correct “bad” behavior.  So even when our partner does something good, we don’t “reward” it because the voice in our heads says something like “what do you want, a medal?” or “please, the score is like a million to one mister, try and catch up!”

This unconscious pattern is killing our relationships and pushing our men away because we are blocking them from meeting one of their fundamental needs. The need to make us happy.

What’s the solution? Be a woman who can be made happy! Find your joy! Allow yourself to be delighted! Even if he brings you a salad with everything you would NEVER eat…delight over the salad he brought you! Instead of berating him for all the mistakes he made, LOVE him up and adore him for his effort!  Find something to be grateful for, even if it’s just that he’s still attempting to connect with you and serve you!  You know what? It feels AWESOME!!! Being HAPPY is such a wonderful feeling! So BE happy! When you allow him to “make you happy” consistently you will experience a significant transformation in your relationship!

While LOVE alone is not enough to sustain a magnificent love affair that lasts a lifetime, I’m going to take a stand for you and put an end to the false belief that it should be! Don’t give up on the magnificent love affair of your dreams my darling! Not on my watch!

Magnificent love affairs are not found, they are created. So stop searching and start building, it’s so worth it!

Sending love,

Stacey

{ 7 Brilliant Comments from Dedicated Reader }

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