How to DATE your spouse!

October 16, 2014

staceyandpaulatPodFirst off, are you dating?

Dating your partner is a MUST! It’s not a “nice to have” like organizing your linen closet.

We do a deep dive on this in Step Seven: S-Flirt, of our Eight Step Relationship Transformation System®.

In my experience, people don’t take their FUN seriously enough! 

I get it – you have TONS of responsibilities, you are juggling tons of balls in the air and you’ve got serious shit to get done! I get it sweetie! AND….you must also bring the fun, flirting and dating back into your relationship!

Why?

Because we have a passion-less relationship epidemic going on right now! Good, nice, caring couples living together as parents, friends, maybe even roommates, but the passion has fizzled or is gone completely!

This epidemic is a silent killer of relationships and people don’t see it coming!

Let me give you a heads up….

The difference between a “passion-less” relationship and

a “hanging by a thread” relationship is TIME!

When you lose the passion in your relationship, and you are NOT having intimacy with the only person on the planet you are supposed to be able to have sex with, you can’t even stay best friends with that person. Over time, the lack of passion creates resentment, rejection, pain and a big wound in one or both partners. And you slip from being passion-less/great parents together, to living parallel lives & going through the motions and trying not to bump into each other, to wondering why you are even together anymore because it hurts so much to think about the relationship you DON’T have!

That’s why I say that the difference between a “passion-less” relationship and a “hanging by a thread” relationship is … TIME!

What to do?

Start DATING! NOW!!!!!

In working with thousands of people around the world, many of them parents of young kids, busy with businesses or just plain BUSY….in a long term committed relationship, DATING seems to be the first thing to fly out the window!

As our six year old Gracie would say ….that’s NO-K (not ok!)

So….how do you DATE your partner?? Don’t worry, I got ya covered!

First, there’s a big difference between dating and going out! You can LEAVE the house with your partner and go out, and not be on a DATE! There’s a different energy to DATING….it’s NOT just leaving the house.

DRESS

I was telling one of our clients the other day, you do not go out on a date in the same clothes that you would wear to take your kids to their soccer game or to the grocery store.

Think back to how you dressed when you were first dating…..and then dress better than that ;)

ENERGY

The energy on a date is playful, fun, flirty and electric! Get yourself into state before your date! Put on some fun music while getting ready, and get back to that fun, flirty and playful YOU!

TALK

Here’s the Diamond Rule of Dating: No Kids, No Biz, No House!  You cannot talk about the kids, the business or the house on your date!

WHAAAAT?!?!

“I hear you! What in the hell are we going to talk about” you ask?  Haha! I got ya covered sweetie! Go to Amazon.com and type in “Table Topics for Couples.”

When you are on a date, pull out one of these Table Topic cards and ask the question on the card. It will start a conversation with your partner that is about YOU and YOUR partner, a PERSONAL conversation! It’s a great way to talk about what’s REAL and get you back to having those fun, deep, exciting and interesting conversations you used to have when you were still getting to know each other!

You can look in every one of my MANY MANY purses and you will find 5 or 6 of these blue cards stuffed into the pockets! Order them now, they will be here before your date!

Your assignment….plan a date for you and your partner right now!  Schedule it, plan it, make the reservations, get the sitter, tell them to block their calendar and make it happen! Start taking your FUN way more seriously sweetie!!!!

Post below and tell me what you are planning! SO FUN!

Sending love,

Stacey

p.s. need more strategies for dating? No sitter? Tough to get away without the kids? Check out our Quick Start Program where we give you more strategies for dating, free babysitters and even free date ideas! We got ya covered! You don’t have to do this alone! www.RTQuickStart.com

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Are you living FEARLESSLY?

October 9, 2014

Fearlessness Issue MartinoIf you are not currently happy with any area of your life it’s because you are NOT living fearlessly in that area of your life.

Pain is just the universe telling you that you need to GROW here.

Growth, by definition, requires you to live fearlessly.

One of my mentors, Keith Cunningham, once told me something that I never forgot and use daily. He said “the solution to every problem you currently have is sitting just outside your current comfort zone, or by definition, it would not be a problem right now.”

Keith is 100% correct. And as he always asked next “the question is….are you gonna go get it?” (Keith is from Texas….that always sounds better with his Texan accent!)

And my answer is always “Hell Yes!”

That’s why living a magnificent and abundant life REQUIRES you to live fearlessly. Because to keep growing you need to continually break through your current comfort zone into your next one!

Now today, I have cultivated my emotional fitness, peak psychology, and decision making process to the point that I move through comfort zones quickly and constantly….I look forward to breaking through comfort zones today. Even in the depths of fear and pain, I feel with 100% of my being that I am about to blow through another comfort zone and I’m in the DIS-comfort part of the process.

I didn’t start here.

I started as a control freak who lived small, tried to control every outcome and showed up to “get” my result in nearly every situation….avoiding pain and discomfort at all costs.

And the quality of my life directly matched my mindset….it was small, fearful, self-involved, and scarcity based.  I was not happy. And I had no idea that my lack of happiness had anything to do with my FEAR driving me.

Like most people, back then I BLAMED everyone and everything else for my unhappiness. I felt I was too fat, so I blamed my body and my “genes.” I didn’t like my job so I blamed the people I worked for. I wasn’t happy in my relationship, so I blamed my boyfriend (at the time). I didn’t have enough cash, so I blamed my job, taxes, government, and the price of gas!

You know what all that BLAME got me? A whole lotta nothing!

When I had a life changing experience and turned my focus on MYSELF…everything started to change for the better. That’s when I began to harness my courage and live fearlessly.

By the way, COURAGE is not being FEARLESS! It’s NOT!

Courage is feeling the fear but taking the action anyway! Don’t think for a second that I don’t feel fear! I sure do! Actually, if you are NOT feeling fear on a regular basis (small or big) then you are living too small….you are NOT going for it!

And living fearlessly, like every change in life, happens on a spectrum. You do not go from living from fear to blowing through comfort zones on a weekly basis….all overnight.

You take steps, baby steps. My personal journey has taken me 19 years so far and I’m still growing and cultivating my fearlessness!

The greatest gift I could give you is ONE strategy for living fearlessly that will shortcut this process for you, give you the biggest results with the least amount of time, effort, and discomfort.

This is a strategy that my husband and I teach our students in our Relationship Breakthrough Programs & Events as part of our Decision Making Process™.

In any area of your life where you have pain or discomfort and you want MORE, the key strategy is to seek out someone who is already successfully living the result you want, lean on their comfort zone and take massive action to follow their proven process.  This is the ultimate DIS-comfort shortcut to your next comfort zone! This is the secret that truly successful people know!

Here are a few KEYS to making this really work for you!

  • Seek out someone who is successfully enjoying the results that you want. Said differently, they are living in your “after” story and you are currently in the “before.”
  • Pick someone who is also successfully and repeatedly teaching others to achieve those same results consistently.
  • Follow their step-by-steps, take their programs, read their books….learn and implement their proven process.
  • If they offer coaching or implementation assistance, take it. Said differently, when they reach their hand out and offer to pull you right through to your next comfort zone, say YES!

You still must live fearlessly, because you must say YES and you must take ACTION! But you are reducing the risk, fear and discomfort by using a proven process, working with a proven expert and surrounding yourself with support and love while you blow through to your next comfort zone!

The great thing about YOU is that you are in exactly the right place for this right this very second! Are you looking around wondering…”what do you mean, Stacey, can you SEE me?”

Hehe! Relax darling, no I cannot.

You are reading Aspire Magazine right now sweetie! That means that, by definition, you have at your fingertips some of the world’s greatest experts in all areas of your life.

I’m serious.

I’ve been in personal development for two decades. I am blessed to work with some of the greatest coaches, experts and leaders in the world. I’ve traveled all over to do that, and I’ve invested multiple six figures to do so!

One of the greatest joys in my life is my family here at Aspire Magazine, led by our fearless publisher and one of my dearest personal friends, Linda Joy. Linda and I get on planes to be together…and I’m thrilled to do so.

But you don’t have to. Because everything you need is right here.

Question #1:  Where in your life do you feel unhappy, stuck, frustrated or downright miserable?

My hunch is that someone in the pages of this issue of Aspire Magazine is living in the “after” story that you want!

Question #2: Who is it?

Read her article, click on her free gift, listen or watch her stuff, go to her website, check out her programs, reach out to her for her step-by-step help! Whatever it is….say YES and take massive action!

If you feel the “fear,” harness your courage and do it anyway! Remind yourself that this woman has already done it and has taught MANY other woman to create the same results for themselves…that’s what’s going to make it easier, quicker and more effective for YOU!

Living fearlessly isn’t an abstract concept or something big and crazy that happens to “those people” but not to you. Living fearlessly is deciding to feel the fear and take action anyway!

I hope our secret strategy to model others and work with an expert will help you to take massive action, get out of your current comfort zone and charge forth into your next one…that’s where the solution to every problem you currently have is waiting for you darling!

So go live fearlessly…and surround yourself with love and support on your journey!

Sending love,

Stacey

p.s. If the area of your life that you are unhappy with is your intimate relationship, then take my hand and let me walk you straight into your next comfort zone! I empower  thousands of people each year to transform their intimate relationship, create their unshakable love and unleashed passion…all in a way that your partner does not need to participate in order for this to work for you!

Download our free audio program How to Transform Your Relationship in Eight Steps!

 

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