The way to transform your relationship is NOT to become something that you are not in order to try to make your relationship “successful”!
The process of Relationship Transformation is actually the process of removing all the bandages, contortions, and “being something we are not” to try to be what we think other people want us to be….and get back to our most authentic self!
When I hear “experts” saying that compromise is a key to successful relationship it infuriates me to no end!
Compromise is for SHIT!
Because compromise is based on you having good behavior to do something you don’t really want to do to please someone else! And NO ONE can have GOOD BEHAVIOR long term! And pleasing in a relationship is CRAP because it’s phony…. and when you try to please someone, nothing is learned so the relationship doesn’t grow!
I can’t have good behavior long term! (Paul Martino will tell you that!)
Good Behavior! Pleasing other people….It doesn’t work…and it doesn’t feel good!
By definition, you cannot build an unshakable love on a foundation of such fragile and phony crap as good behavior and pleasing other people!
It doesn’t work! You can only have good behavior for so long before you get fed up and either go back to doing what you have wired yourself to do….OR keep score and start measuring what you are getting back in exchange for what you are doing to please them. (and keeping score is a relationship transformation killer)
So what does work?
It’s a two part strategy.
Part One: BE YOU
Get back to your most authentic self! Stop trying to be what you think other people want you to be, and be who you really are! Now, that said, don’t be a jerk about it! (hehe) What I mean is, don’t be all “this is who I am and if you don’t like it then F-you!”
Have a higher standard for yourself and be your BEST and most authentic self…with a commitment to continually being an even better version of yourself as you grow!
Part Two: GROW YOU
Empower yourself with the tools & strategies to create a 100%/100% relationship, where you know how to bring out the BEST and most authentic self in your partner! Where you are FULLY committed and give 100% to your partner! Not pleasing…GIVING – there is a HUGE difference between “pleasing” and “giving”! (take a moment and say each one to yourself, you will FEEL the difference)
Giving comes from a great and abundant place within you where you are giving and serving because you want to and it feels good. Pleasing comes from a negative place, where you are doing something you think others want, or you think is “right” but you don’t really want to, and eventually, if you keep “pleasing” it will turn into resentment…and maybe even anger!
When you understand, appreciate and cherish the differences between the masculine and feminine, you don’t have to have “good behavior,” you don’t have to “compromise” and you don’t have to “measure” to make sure you are getting yours.
When people hear me say that “compromise is for S#%T” they will often ask me “how do you NOT compromise in your relationship with Paul?”
My answer is very simple and straightforward….I don’t compromise, because if I’m not 100% in alignment with Paul, it’s my job to seek to understand him more so that I can be 100% aligned, so I can serve him and help make his dreams come true. That’s my job! (and he feels it is his job to do so for me.)
We just keep “doing the work” until we understand at a deep enough level to reach alignment. Of course, it didn’t start out that way… We have developed the skills to do this, and now so do our clients!
It truly is amazing….and unshakable….to live a life with Zero Compromise! I highly recommend it!