If you are looking for someone to blame….RESISTANCE is the ENEMY you are looking for!

June 26, 2014

breakthrough
The New Normal (from last week’s blog post) has become a theme in the lives of many of my clients this past week! And even I needed to read it again, because it was coming up for me too!

Even when your New Normal (the next level you are reaching in your life, yourself, your relationships) is a great thing, and you are experiencing abundance and goodness, you can still experience resistance as you advance towards your NEXT new normal…your next level!

That’s the “when’s the other shoe going to drop,” “I don’t deserve this,” “this won’t last,” “I will lose it all” kind of stuff that our drunk monkey (ego, brain, lower self) tells us.

And then RESISTANCE comes in. What is resistance? It’s a silent, invisible force that you can’t quite put your finger on…but it’s the thing that keeps you from doing whatever you need to DO to move yourself forward to your next level.

It’s procrastination, rationalization, frustration, indignation, distraction.

It’s having to pee, go get a coffee, check email, clean your desk, check Facebook and all the other stuff you have to do before you can “get your stuff done.”

It’s that “why should I always have to do everything” thought. Or the feelings of wanting to even the score around here and not DO MORE because no one else is. It’s that thought that sneaks in and says “don’t be a doormat, why should you GIVE more if he doesn’t want to.”  All in an effort to keep you playing small and get you to RETREAT back to your OLD comfort zone. Except that your OLD comfort zone is getting really Uncomfortable because you are sick and tired of living like that, putting up with that, doing without that or whatever your “pain” feels like.

When you get really close to a big breakthrough, resistance can FREAK OUT on you and really create havoc to keep you from breaking into your new comfort zone (new normal). That’s when you can get sick or even get hurt.

Even other people in your life can get in on the act at this point….your business partner, boss, team members, kids, spouse and family can even kick in and start shaking things up for you with a nice big distraction from moving forward and breaking through.

Someone emailed me just the other day and asked “Stacey, do you often find that people will have a big breakdown in their relationship at the same time that they have a breakdown in their business? And does this mean the big breakthrough is coming for both?”

Such a great question! The answer is YES and YES, but there is a catch!

Yes, I often see that people will have a big breakdown in their business and their relationship at the same time. Said differently, things are going crappy in your relationship and in your business at the same time.

This is no accident. You have seen it, I’ve seen it, we’ve all seen it…..when someone goes through a divorce, it can take down an entire department in a corporation or take a functioning business into bankruptcy. We have all seen it or experienced it. No one wants to talk about it, but it’s the truth.

It’s also true that when your relationship is hard, everything in life feels hard.

But I’ll take it one step further. In my experience, the ceiling on your business is the ceiling on your intimate relationship…because that’s how far you feel supported to grow and expand!

So yes, often the breakdown in one will trigger a breakdown in the other….mostly because the common denominator in both is YOU!

To answer the second question, YES, it CAN mean that a breakthrough is coming in both. Like we talked about last week, when you get UNcomfortable, you have a choice, RETREAT or walk through that “panic point” and into your next new normal, your next comfort zone!

It’s the same in business and in relationships! In order to keep moving forward and step into your next comfort zone, you need to take massive strategic action! And the best way to do that is to surround yourself with a mentor who has already made this leap successfully, and lots and lots of people who are either happily living in your next new normal or happily on their way there!

WHY?

Well, if you surround yourself with people who are living in your OLD normal and are happy to stay there, then as you start to leave that space and experience the discomfort of growth and change, what do you think the people around you (who are staying in the old comfort zone) are going to say?

No judgement….they only want the best for you. But most likely, in one form or another, they are going to say “If it feels bad, stop doing it” :)

I know…pretty obvious right.

You say “I’m killing myself to run 5 days a week to train for this marathon. This training is kicking my ASS all over the place.” And your friend says “Why the hell would you do that? Stop it.”

You say “I have been busting my ass to create this new video series for our business! We are going to reach so many people. But I’ve been working 12 hour days for 3 weeks, I just hope we get the clients we need out of this to make it worth all these hours and cover our costs.” And your friend says “What the hell are you doing that for? Go get a job, you only have to work like 6 hours a day and you get paid no matter what. What’s wrong with you? When are you going to stop with that video crap and get a real job. You’re the one making this so hard on yourself. Just stop it.”

You say “I’m running on empty. I’m giving everything I’ve got to Jack and the kids and there’s nothing left for me. I’m so exhausted, sometimes I feel hopeless. I don’t know if I can keep going, but I just don’t want to get a divorce. I hope everything I’m doing will work and I can turn this around.” And your friend says “He doesn’t deserve you. Your letting him walk all over you like a doormat. What’s he done for you? I don’t see him doing everything to meet your needs. Just give up and move on or get a hobby that you love and deal with it!”

From their perspective, they are just trying to look out for you, trying to protect you….what they are really trying to do is REMOVE THE RESISTANCE from the air because they feel it. And in all honesty, most humans are WIRED to retreat. So they are doing what they know “If it feels bad, STOP IT.”

But there’s one TINY thing that they don’t know.

They don’t know that you feel PULLED into your future! They don’t feel the CALL. They don’t feel the little voice that you have inside that tells you DO NOT give up. They don’t have that little feeling that you have every day, the one that can get drowned out by the drunk monkey…but the little feeling that keeps you going….they don’t have that feeling that says….

If you STOP the PAIN will be GREATER than if you keep going.

You know that feeling. It’s the one that is pulling you into your next comfort zone! It’s the one that tells you “You will never be satisfied staying stagnant.”

The feeling that you get when you KNOW that if you do not get out there with your message, a piece of you will die inside and the “NOT DOING” will feel so much worse than the risk of going forward.

The feeling that if you do not complete that marathon, then your outsides will not match your insides, because you KNOW you are a marathon runner! You just know it!

That feeling that tells you that you will never be “satisfied” just being “roommates” with your partner. The one that feels PULLED to create more than just a friendship or co-parenting arrangement. The feeling that you have that you are just not wired to SETTLE for a passion-less or unhappy intimate relationship.

They don’t know that you have THAT feeling inside you.

So what’s the answer?

Surround yourself with people who have THAT same feeling, who are being pulled into their next comfort zone or already there! Get a mentor who can guide you, short cut the journey, and help you get better results quicker.

Get the support, the love, the unconditional compassion that you need with people who GET YOU! With a group of people all on the same journey!

Take massive strategic action to move yourself forward and you WILL have the big breakthrough following the big breakdown. Because the big breakdown is nothing more than you and the environment around you hitting the panic button because you are approaching the edge of your comfort zone.

Don’t freak out!

Instead, grab someone’s hand and let them PULL YOU into your next comfort zone so you don’t retreat!

Join a club for marathon runners and sign up with a marathon trainer. She certainly won’t tell you that you are crazy to keep training, in fact, my guess is she’s going to turn up the volume on your training…because that’s what a great coach does.

Go join a Mastermind group for successful entrepreneurs who are constantly breaking through to the next level in their business and let them stretch you to think even bigger than you have been, as they support and guide you to your next new normal! If they are empowering others to do this day in and day out…you are in the right place!

And become a LOVIE! Come to the Relationship Breakthrough Retreat, or join one of our programs! Get the expert guidance you need, the step-by-step to create massive change in your relationship, get the exact how to achieve all the results you want in your relationship while you surround yourself with loads of people who are all here to love you up, support you, champion you, fill you back up, meet your needs and give you the unconditional compassion you need to transform your relationship! We do this every day here. There’s no situation we can’t handle! And it’s true, you are going to hit the wall sometimes, it’s going to feel lonely, you are going to hit “EMPTY” and that’s exactly why we are here! There are so many LOVIES here just like you, and when you need to fill back up, we will all be here to love you and help you fill your tank back up! You can get all the love and appreciation you need on your journey….not from your partner (not yet), so let us be there for you NOW!

So the short answer is….take massive strategic action.

But the NINJA SECRET to success is….get a mentor and surround yourself with people who GET YOU and are either already living in your next comfort zone or happily on their way there!

Because if you listen to your drunk monkey or the “everyday Joe” in your world….the only thing you are going to hear is “If it uncomfortable, stop it.”

Go ask Michael Jordan if that’s his motto. Go ask Paul McCartney if that’s his standard for living. Go ask Tony Robbins, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, or Barack Obama if that’s their motto. Ask anyone in your life who is enjoying an abundant life in any area of their life if they STOPPED when it got uncomfortable. After they finish laughing….tell me what they say!

I’ll tell you what I say, there’s a reason why Paul and I work with Tony Robbins, Keith Cunningham, Fabienne & Derek Fredrickson, Jon Vroman and so many other great coaches and mentors. We have wired ourselves for massive growth and contribution. We have a strong desire to expand, grow, and give out of that growth. We have had periods in our lives where we didn’t work with mentors and coaches and the discomfort of feeling like we had to grow/change but didn’t know what to do or how to do it was super painful…and yet, we just aren’t wired to be satisfied staying stagnant.

So, we have learned to MODEL, to work with mentors, get coaches to break through challenges, and surround ourselves with a community that is happily doing the same. And because of this, we blow through comfort zones into our “next new normal” regularly…sometimes at an extraordinary pace. And in all areas of life – health, energy, love, fitness, wealth, spirituality, parenting, relationships, fun….all of it. Is there discomfort at times? Oh hell yes! But as you know, our motto is “we’d rather live this way, play full out, and have the shit hit the fan once in a while, than live a low grade shit every day trying to avoid the pain.”

So I ask you. Do you feel a pull into your next level? Do you feel dissatisfied with where you are today? Are you longing for something more?

Then post below and tell me….what massive strategic action are you going to take today?

Sending love,

Stacey

p.s. just for fun…I love this video….

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Kelly June 27, 2014 at 8:28 am

You know this is one of my favorite videos that really depicts “getting my stuff done”… ?? That’s when procrastination truly is our resistance. keeping you sitting there putting off til tomorrow and the next day and the next day. I find having “support” behind you,i n front of you and all around you can help push you past resistance! I actually just did a post myself on procrastinating… but on purpose!! Check it out.

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smartino June 30, 2014 at 7:18 am

Haha! I know that’s a fav of yours Kelly!!!! I LOVE your article on Purposeful Procrastination Kelly!!!! You totally rock!!!!
Here’s the link peeps: http://www.taskcomplete.com/kellys-brain-dump/purposeful-procrastination/

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Yani Ransome July 3, 2014 at 10:49 am

I love this post Stacey! and that video is hilarious and so true. We are often way to caught up with doing things that are not progressing us. I for one have been more aware of when resistance is creeping up and the ways that I self-sabotage (attempting to self-protect). I ABSOLUTELY agree that having a group of people and mentors that get it and support and guide you is VERY powerful. It COMPLETELY changes your life.

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Stacey Martino July 3, 2014 at 5:10 pm

Awesome Yani!!!! So well said!!! Love you sweetie!

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